Here are some thoughts about how writing is hard for me and some lessons I have learned (am learning).
Writing is hard.
I continue to learn in the sense of integrating into my behaviors that
1) Momentum is critical;
2) Each work is a world unto itself. Like a song. It has its onw reality . I have to make that so. Then It can be lilnked to , compared to, integrated with the other knowledge ou t there. In the past I worried too muc that whatever I am saying or writing is instantly a part of the world, is accountable to the world . and the burdens, the internalized expectations, are crucshing. If what I write is seamlessly synced to all th e knowledge of the world then:
a) Originality is a bastard
b) Accuracy is everything
c) I am acutely aware of my ignorance
d) Reputation can sink or rise
These damnable expectations, like a flock of albatrosses, would weigh down my neck forcing me to only mumble pathetically and gaze at my navel. Anyway, purple prose aside, even though progress on both terror paper and SL paper is slow and I stare at the screen wanting to be anywhere else, I do feel like the painful process of giving birth to myself as a scholar is improving.
I think I am also aware of just the time crunch. Like, to be an expert in the too-may areas I am trying to be an expert in requires me to read and stay abreast of so much information! Its exhausting.
And I have been staying away from actually reading much of anything which may help me get words down, but also, I worry, can become a vicious cycle of me writing something, feeling its good and original, continuing to not read, and writing and so on. And then I get to the end and start to read and realize that I have nothing original to say and I have basically recreated the language and conceptual framework that someone else has already done.
I am particularly worried about this process with SL paper in which, a bit like Castronova in his book, since we are dealing with a whole other world every bit as complex as this one, we end up doing a kind of superficial gloss on o, all of economics and sociology.